Directors & Intimacy Coordinators: Building Better Scenes Together

There is a misconception about Intimacy Coordinators that I would very much like to see disappear from our industry: the idea that an IC is someone who arrives on set, checks a few boxes, watches the actors rehearse, and then stands quietly off to the side while the director does the actual work.

That is not how a competent Intimacy Coordinator works.

An Intimacy Coordinator is a Head of Department, and productions—directors in particular—benefit enormously when the position is treated that way.

Like every other department head, the IC is there because they bring a specialized area of expertise to the production. The Director of Photography understands how to translate the director's vision through the camera. The Production Designer helps build the physical world in which that vision exists. Costume, Hair and Makeup, Stunts, and other departments each bring their expertise to the storytelling.

The Intimacy Coordinator brings expertise in how intimate storytelling is physically created, communicated, rehearsed, and safely performed for the camera. And we cannot do that job effectively without communicating directly with the director.

The Director and IC Relationship Should Begin Before the Scene Does

One of the best things a director can do before working with an Intimacy Coordinator is learn what the position actually encompasses. Not because the director needs to become an IC. Quite the opposite. Understanding what a qualified IC can bring to the production allows the director to actually use that expertise. The relationship should ideally begin in pre-production.

• What is the story we are telling?

• What does this intimate moment need to communicate?

• What do we actually need to see?

• What are we asking the actors to perform in order to create that illusion?

Those are not merely questions about consent. They are questions about storytelling, character, movement, performance, camera, psychology, logistics, and safety.

A good IC can be an invaluable resource while a director is working through those questions. Bring us into conversations about scripts. Consult with us when intimate content is being rewritten or expanded. Ask us how something might be accomplished before deciding that it will be impossible, prohibitively time-consuming, or uncomfortable for the performers. Sometimes a relatively small change in blocking, choreography, wardrobe, camera placement, or physical action can solve a problem before it ever reaches set. That is what specialists are for.

We Need to Communicate With the Director

The IC cannot effectively do their job through a chain of intermediaries.

Of course we communicate extensively with Assistant Directors, producers, actors, costumes, Hair and Makeup, camera, and other departments. Collaboration is built into this work. But when it comes to the creative intention of an intimate scene, we need access to the person directing it.

The director knows what they are trying to capture. The IC needs to understand that vision so we can help translate it into physical storytelling that the actors can safely and consistently perform. The goal is not for the IC to replace the director.

The goal is to give the director another highly specialized creative collaborator.

When that relationship works properly, something wonderful happens: safety and creativity stop being treated as opposing forces. They begin supporting each other.

A Good IC Is in the Work

A competent, qualified Intimacy Coordinator is not sitting on their phone while an intimate scene is being filmed. They are not hiding behind the monitors. They are not waiting quietly on the sidelines in case someone becomes uncomfortable.

They are working.

During an intimate scene, I am right there in the middle of the process—communicating with the director, working with the actors, watching the choreography, adjusting movement, tracking agreements and boundaries, troubleshooting problems, watching how the scene is translating through the camera, and helping build the sequence from one movement into the next.

Intimate scenes are choreography. Even when the final result appears spontaneous, passionate, messy, awkward, romantic, aggressive, funny, or completely out of control, the mechanics underneath it should not be.

The performers need to know what they are doing. The director needs to know what they are getting. Camera needs to know where the action is going.

The IC is often the person connecting all of those moving pieces. And when that work is done well, it can actually make filming faster, not slower.

Nearly every director I have worked with has told me some version of the same thing afterward: not only did they learn something from having me there, they could not have accomplished the scene as effectively, quickly, and safely without that collaboration. That is what this position should bring to a production.

We Also Need to Talk About the Bad Experiences

I know that some directors have had bad experiences with Intimacy Coordinators.

I don't think we help our profession by pretending otherwise.

Some directors have worked with ICs who interrupted unnecessarily, did not understand filmmaking, could not communicate effectively with actors, approached the director as an adversary, overstepped their role, or seemed unable to contribute creatively to the scene.

That's a shame.

It is also a problem we need to address rather than dismiss.

The role itself is not the problem.

Our industry began requiring Intimacy Coordinators on productions before there was a reliable infrastructure capable of producing enough highly trained, experienced professionals to meet that demand. Training programs have varied dramatically in depth and quality, and the qualifications required to enter this profession have not always reflected the extraordinary complexity of the job.

When someone is placed on a professional film set without sufficient training in filmmaking, movement, actor psychology, choreography, communication, conflict resolution, power dynamics, production hierarchy, consent practices, and the practical mechanics of filming intimacy, everyone suffers.

And ultimately, the reputation of the profession suffers.

That needs to change.

But eliminating or marginalizing the position because some productions have encountered poorly prepared ICs would be like deciding cinematography isn't useful because you once hired a bad DP.

The answer is not less expertise.

The answer is better expertise.

Directors Should Interview Their ICs

Directors should absolutely educate themselves about this position before hiring someone to fill it. Ask questions.

How were they trained?

How extensive was that training?

How much time have they actually spent on film sets?

Do they understand filmmaking language and production hierarchy?

Can they choreograph?

Can they translate narrative intention into physical movement?

How do they approach actors?

How do they approach directors?

How do they handle disagreement?

Do they understand camera?

Can they problem-solve when the carefully planned choreography suddenly doesn't work once the camera moves?

And perhaps most importantly:

How do they see their relationship with the director?

If their answer suggests that they are there to police you, that should concern you.

If their answer suggests that they are there merely to observe, that should concern you too. The best IC/director relationship lives somewhere entirely different. It is a collaboration.

Use Us Before You Need Us

One of the most underutilized aspects of intimacy coordination happens long before anyone takes their clothes off. Consult with an IC during pre-production.

If your script contains significant intimacy, unusual sexual content, nudity, sexual violence, complicated relationship dynamics, or scenes that you simply aren't sure how you're going to accomplish, bring a qualified IC into the conversation early. We may see practical challenges that aren't obvious on the page. We may identify places where the written action will create unnecessary complications during filming. We may be able to suggest another way to accomplish exactly what you want without sacrificing the story. We can help you think through casting considerations, actor conversations, riders, wardrobe, barriers, scheduling, closed-set logistics, choreography, and how much time the scene may realistically require.

And sometimes we can simply tell you:

"Yes. We can absolutely do that. Here's how."

That can be an enormous resource for a director.

The IC Is Not There to Take Away Your Scene

Perhaps the most important thing I want directors to understand is this:

We are not there to take your scene away from you.

It is still your scene.

It is still your vision.

You are still the director.

My job as an Intimacy Coordinator is to help you achieve that vision while protecting the agreements made with the performers and translating the story into repeatable, intentional physical action that works for the camera.

The best intimacy coordination should expand what a director is able to accomplish—not restrict it.

When directors understand the role, hire qualified people, involve them early, communicate directly with them, and treat the IC as the department head they are, the entire production benefits. Actors can concentrate on performance instead of negotiating physical logistics in the middle of a take. Directors can concentrate on directing instead of trying to simultaneously choreograph complex physical action, track boundaries, monitor coverage, and troubleshoot modesty. Production gets a scene that is organized and repeatable. And audiences get something better too:

Intimacy that actually tells the story.

That's the point.

Not simply safer scenes.

Better filmmaking.